Confused

Went over D’s house last night- we watched a movie… or something like that. Which was a lot of fun! It appears that I haven’t heard anything back from A- since our phone convo, which is fine, as I’m sure he’s busy, but makes me a bit uneasy, bc I’m now left with 1 person. And putting all your eggs in one basket usually leads it to break! And that makes me scared. I guess its not about the quantity of people that I need to steadily date, it’s the fact that this all needs to become a bit deeper to realize if this is someone I perhaps want to date even on a more exclusive level. Regardless, I’m starting on Monday with a fresh slate, and while its definitely about quality, I think the way to get there is quantity. Am I wrong? Sooooo confused!

Game on!

After a long conversation with A last night I think I’ve changed my mind again- game on! To break it down, my mindset works in the following way: I once dated only one person, and just when the coast was clear, and I felt like I could let my guard down, I did- and just as quickly, I became sadly hurt, because the guy had been dating others all along, and choose someone else. Hence why I like to date multiple people. So as stated yesterday, I think 3 is a round number, and perfectly doable. But now more then ever, I feel like I maybe looking for 2 additional people. Here’s why: I spoke with A last night, and was painted a picture of the old “S”- the one who could go from HH all the way through 4am without food. That’s not the person I am today, yet, sometimes it rears its ugly head. Queue Friday! And the sad thing is, I knew this would happen, going downtown to meet him at 11PM, and I knew I should have been in bed, and not at a bar. Turns out A has “anger issues” (his words) and doesn’t really appreciate intoxicated people. To further ice the cake, he’s in a less then stellar mental place, with no job, awful job market, and at a loss of what he wants to do/be, he thought that by now in his life he would have had a gf (which is refreshing to hear) and a better apt, and at least a direction. All last night I learned, is not the case. And while we talked it was strange for me to hear someone say all of this. First- why are you calling me, if your going to call me out on my behavior (which I deserve)? And Secondly, its about time I see a glimmer of the real person you are, and not the presumptuous, hipster, trust fund baby that you claim to be every time we talk. Now, despite the heaping dose of honesty, I was left wondering still why would he have called me, and to further ice the cake, why does he still want to go out? Regardless of the answers (which I wasn’t satisfied with) I told him that I would like to see him again, and that we would talk soon. But this all begs the question of, while I know this kid is special and will amount to amazing things in the future, from what I can see the immediate outlook brings things to light that I’m not sure I want to deal with in him, and myself included. Yikes!
Moral = get back dating....

Ok Listen up Kids

So I’ve given it great thought.

And I’m tired and I don’t want to go through the “motions” and I don’t want to miss anymore bad TV- and my friends, so I think I might alter the experiment. Its not fair to be ½ minded out on dates. The end goal is still going to be the same- I’m trying to find someone who is absolutely fantastic! And I guess I’ve been out of the loop of “dating” someone for quite some time here because I perhaps had forgotten that your fondness for the other person grows over time. And that’s precisely what’s happening with D and A. Now, because I live in a superstitious mindset, I’m now on the hunt for man #3- and then I will take time to really explore these friendships that can hopefully turn into meaningful relationships. 3 is a good number to juggle and I think it will really allow me to have a life and date.
I guess in the end what I’m saying is, my 30 days expired last night. I went on 24 dates in 30 days! I’d say that’s a lot… on me, my wallet, and my social life! However a small piece of me feels as if because I didn’t complete the task, that I must continue on in search. And so that’s what I will do. Consider this the next chapter if you will; Titled- Ok listen up kids (thanks g!) – Yes, I will be still out on blind dates nightly, but the result here is looking for a 3rd quality candidate, someone who I can possible grow a relationship with.
We will all still read about D and A (hopefully) and I’m hoping to continue getting to know them better and an additional person as well. To end on that note, I have no free nights this week, but I do have to call J and H back, and will try to schedule something with them.

Date # 24

I meet A at his friends birthday party on Friday night. It was nice, and funny to see his friends interact with him. We kissed a few times in the bar, and then left for a more quiet place to drink. We went to some random place in Alphabet city, and chatted there for hours! Whats nice about him is that despite being his age and a guy he is really looking for a serious relationship- and he makes that known! Its quite refreshing actually. But because he's 25 he's also unsettled, and from what I can see, he's a bit scattered in his life, job, thoughts etc. Which who isn't??! We both got severely tipsy and I left to go home at around 3:30 am- which probably was a bit to late. I haven't spoken to A since- because we've been playing a lot of phone tag- he went to Philadelphia for the holiday weekend.

My new plan is to look for a 3rd person for the mix. Not just anyone, but a quality person, and then I think I will work to focus on the 3 people, and get to know everyone better.

Date #23

I had lunch with D, and it was nice to have good conversation sans alcohol. Actually the lunch was quite quick as he had to go to the airport to meet friends for a golfing trip. So overall lovely, but nothing to write specifics about. Now this was Friday afternoon, and I'm writing this Monday, so to fill you in on other tid-bits. We've talked every day since he's been away! and yesterday we spoke for at least a 1/2 hour which probably is no big deal, but he's on vacation with friends! Overall, it puts a smile on my face, which is a good sign.